Positively Teaching Your Children to Respect You as Their Parent and Strategies to Help You
I received advice from someone I respect. This person said that as a parent you have to correctly guide your children’s behavior and teach them to respect you when they are young because if not, once they become teenagers, they might become disrespectful and out of control. And by then it might be too difficult for you to redirect them because they’re already set in their ways. This actually makes a lot of sense because as our kids grow we want them to be able to trust us and come to us for guidance in life. But they won’t seek your advice or listen to you if they don’t respect you as their parent.
My teaching experience and child development studies have taught me how important it is as a parent to teach your children to be respectful starting at a young age. They need our help in teaching them how to behave properly. I’ve learned that many children don’t show respect because it wasn’t modeled or consistently taught to them. Children can’t be expected to show respect and honor if they were never taught how. And they won’t stop bad behavior if they aren’t corrected.
As parents, we are to love and respect our children too. A child won’t really know how to show respect if they have a parent who is constantly yelling and putting them down for making mistakes or just because they are in a bad mood.
When teaching children how to show respect, you have to train them how to talk properly. They need to learn how to use positive words and tones. When your children make the wrong choice, it’s best to correct them in a firm but caring way- not in a way that degrades them. It’s too easy to just let our children get away with disrespecting us because we don’t feel like putting in the time or effort to help them get it right. This is something that should be taught when children are toddlers. It’s interesting because when children learn how to talk and think, they start choosing their own tones and choices of words. As parents, we have to steer them in the right direction.
Sometimes we don't correct our kids’ behavior when they talk to us disrespectfully because we are embarrassed. Other times it could be because we don’t want to deal with the potential whining moment or bad attitude from correcting their behavior. I’m going to share some simple strategies that I use that can help you when teaching your kids to respect you. I find it helpful to explain to my kids that we love them and that they should talk to me and their dad in respectful tones and to do what we tell them to do. We model both respectful tones and disrespectful tones so they can see the difference. Then we tell them that they should use the respectful tone with us just like they want that treatment in return from us. We also explain that they will lose privileges if they choose to be disrespectful to us. For example, if they choose to disrespect us, this means they will lose TV time, miss out on a fun activity, or get their favorite toy taken away for the day.
Kids want and need love, structure, and direction from their parents. Our children are more willing to respect us and to do what we tell them to do when we show them that we genuinely love and care about them.
I also believe that when our children are doing a good job with being respectful to us, we should let them know we are proud of them. For example, I have said to my children, “Thank you for talking respectfully and for doing what I told you to do. I am proud of you.” This motivates them to want to do well because they know that I appreciate it.
Another thing to always remember is that children are going to make mistakes at times, just like us. And as parents we are going to mess up sometimes too. But you have to have the mindset to keep trying and to always do your best. It’s natural for children to test boundaries at times to see what they can get away with. But it’s important to correct them in a respectful way. Help your children to do good things and teach them to respect you as their parent, as well, as other adults. Doing this takes time- lots of dedicated time!
Please check out Parenting Toolkit #2, Lesson 1: Honor Your Mom and Dad on the Shop page, if you need help with teaching your kids the importance of respecting you as their parent. The lesson is written in kid-friendly language in a way they can understand. The Bible says that children should honor their parents. Ephesians 6: 1-3 says, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ‘Honor your father and mother’- which is the first commandment with a promise- ‘so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth’.” God can help you as you are teaching this to your kids. It feels good when your children behave well and respect you.